Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Her pupils pinch tight
trying to narrow visions
that creep in during daytime destruction
or nighttime navigation into her soul
She hides away in corners of her mind
where madness plays
its what keeps her sane
Just conglomerated body parts
piecing property for production
human by human consumption
Auction blocks are back of 18 wheelers
dirty abandoned cellars
warehouses housing breeders, bodies and profit
She's sold to the highest bidder
seen but not heard
She-she remains unbreakable
even as they break her
break her in
break her spirit
break her down
she's found survival barely attainable
sometimes,
she prays for forever's darkness
imagines peace there
where hands cant find her
amidst silent sobs
she hums lullabies
accented by cracks of broken bones
like the crash of cymbals
She hones in on high notes
then screams validity into voids
between slaps and shut ups
he rips holes made for love and creation wide open
grunting, forcing her to feel his weight
He'll remind her who owns her
She stops screamin
barely humming tunes
which once found her comfort to sleep
staring at ceilings now a familiar escape route
trying to find memories
now fading beneath his frantic thrusts
to the days when
she was somebody's daughter
(C) CousinPublishing
Posted by CousinSarah ::
9:36 AM ::
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Saturday, March 21, 2009
Ive been in St Louis with family all week for Spring Break. On Weds, I decided to go and slam at the venue in STL that determines the team from here. Actually, I decided on Sunday and then went back and forth and finally on Tuesday night knew for sure I was going to go. First, thanks to Shelle and Kim for their support and guidance. Each different, but from the same source of love and support. And Evan too.
I want to first start out by saying this...I have a new appreciation for the poetry home we have in ATX. And for those of us who are sometimes forgetting what we have, we need to stop it. I am not judging the STL team/venue/etc--and they have a long way to go. What I am saying is that what we have is incredible support, talent and encouragement to grow. The slam to me...porbably because I am an outsider seemed very unorganized. I had no idea when I would go in the round, how many rounds, it was confusing as hell. Like we didnt draw numbers, they just called poets in random order so you had no idea where you were in the lineup. I didnt feel like there was much of an attempt to let everyone know what was goin on during the slam. The venue wasnt very full...so folks who usually slam had to judge. Like I said, I dont want to come across judgemental. I just learned to better appreciate what I have at home. We truly have NO idea how good we have it. Truly. I hope we show it more. I didnt place, but I was proud of my performances for the most part. As usual, I was nervous first round and so I talked fast...got ahead of myself a few times, but still rocked it. The second round was the last round...everyone went. I didnt know it was the last round. When I went up after I performed to grab my scores, they told me there was a glitch as the next poet had started...none of my numbers were written down. I dont know what the glitch was...like I said, I just felt like I wasnt sure what was going on most of the time. But I did it. And for those who know me, that was outta my comfort zone and I am proud of myself.
There have been quite a few things going on lately in my life that are telling me to really go inward. Its another time in my for me to really figure out who I am, who should be in my life, how I measure those things...just a lot of introspection. I've been finding more of my strength lately...even in moments I'm not-I still see more of myself emerging. What I am as a poet is an important thing in the front of my mind right now. A better mom. And to take better care of my body physically so its not always interfereing with how my mind feels. Its time for me in many ways to stop being cautious about where I am and go for what I want. Ironically, its time for the opposite in looking at who I allow to be part of my space and who I dont. I need to be more cautious, more thoughtful, more critical about who contributes to my feelings of who I am, who is a reflection of me by being part of my circle and what that means to me. I dont mean that I need to become some cold B&^%$. It just means, that more and more, I accept and realize that my energy is impacted by those who feed it...and by whose I feed...so to speak. I need to rely on my own sense of judgement and self analysis more...others will always see me through lens of thier own experiences...just as I see others that way. And while I try always to be open in considering what life experiences make people who they are...what I have been through will also influence my view...no matter how much I hope it doesnt. The best I can do is keep working on me to be sure that I am making the healthiest view of myself, so that THAT is what radiates from me-whether I am looking internally or externally. Over the last several months, I feel like some of my life experiences have been nudging me to see this. So, time for some action...and I am learning to feel more confident about coordinating that movement.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
3:06 PM ::
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Grateful...
...for the time with lil man...such a great little person.
...for the fact he still cuddles
...his laugh---its the best
...a fun weekend with my girl and her girl..loved it
...writing-its always there...even when Ive abandon it...
...picking battles a little better
...seeing family in a few days...it doesnt seem real yet
...my honey buns...so sweet to me
...friends...Im very lucky...
...Whose Line is it? Always makes me laugh...
...Our friendship...girl we've known each other for liiiiiiiifetimes...lol..
...that we saw the fox...that was soooo cool...
...learning to use my voice more often when I should and less when I shouldnt
...the wii...I love that thing..lol
...my class...I really enjoy teaching those kids...
...finding something to get excited about at work
...did I mention Im going home in a few days?
Posted by CousinSarah ::
9:56 PM ::
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