Friday, May 23, 2008
I have really been going through some very hard life stuff this week.
I have learned alot about myself as a result--Im much stronger than I have been giving myself credit for. It's time for change.
I can feel the changes starting and I am so excited about it.
Neo soul was freakin incredible...reminded me why I fell it love with it...and poetry. Last night made me miss Sahara, but I am still so glad we are still here.
Last night was about the poetry,
just about the poetry...
helped me remember in the end thats why I fell in love
and I wont be staying away from it too long anymore.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
12:58 PM ::
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Grateful and a little late...
...his consistently doing better in school-a whole week of great behavior in both school and after care!!
...for the mother's day gifts we made together...he is so artistic...i loooove it
...our weekend was great....man he is like the best thing EVER!!!
...you took us to see Schoolhouse Rock live....survived the Wal Mart incident(lmao)...found the reciept lol...and wasted gas trying to help my son figure out his transformer....you TOTALLY rock.
...I cannot wait to see my sister...there arent enough words for how much I miss you bigmouth. lololololol
...for vunerable conversations...the possibilities are totally worth it...thank you for listening
...for her pregnancy....she is going to make an AWESOME mom!!!
...for all the sweet and supportive texts messages today
...for mothers...we give birth to the world...
...seeing changes
...being able to pull myself out of the funk I was headed into today....for those of you who know me best-you will be shocked. I made myself get out of the house and go do something...and it totally helped. I know...I hope you were sitting down. I'm learnin'!! Just slow as hell to get it at times....
...for some more good bits and pieces
...efficientcy
...they are almost home...and Im still pretty sane...
...the fun I plan to have this weekend
...the way it feels when I hold my son's hand in mine....its like one of the BEST feelings in life...
...the way he gets on the couch and sits RIGHT next to me...lolol...i looooove it!
...that when he draws me pictures and cuts them out...
...he always wants me to be in the same room with him when he is here...warm fuzzies. :)
...standing up for myself when it meant it was gonna hurt...lots...I did it anyway...thats BIG progress.
...my white linen so Im ready to go...although white? really? Its REALLY not my color...I almost become invisible...sad really...how bout black linen with another color? I like that idea MUCH better... :D
...having so much to be grateful for
...the creators and thier blessings
...the following sets lyrics that have really been speaking to me this week...(god-I really would lose my mind without having music...I know it sounds dramatic but it seriously feeds/heals my soul...)
"I'm not suposed to be scared of anything,
but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted
and nobody understands how I feel
I'm trying hard to breathe now
but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to
and the pain inside is making me numb
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me
'Cause no one knows
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffacated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone and I bleed
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn
It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world"
-Changes, 3 Doors Down
"So pretty and, oh, so bold
Got a heart full of gold on a lonely road
She said, "I don't even think that God can save me"
Am I gainin' ground
Am I losin' face
Have I lost and found my saving grace
Thankful for the gift my angels gave me
Born alone, we die alone 'n'
I'm just sittin' here by the phone
Waitin' for the Lord to send my callin'
Street wise from the boulevard
Jesus only knows that she tries too hard
She's only tryin' to keep the sky from fallin'
Any man who says it's Heaven and Hell
Prob'ly got somethin' useless to sell
You ask me if I'm saved, but what's it to ya?
Hallelujah..."
-Saving Grace, Everlast
"Let it go……
Can’t let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around,
are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right...
When I’m walking past the mirror
Aint worried about you and what you gonna do
I’m a lady so I must stay classy
Got to keep it hot, keep it together
If I want to get better"
-Just Fine, Mary J
"Sometimes you make me feel like such a prick
That even I'm convinced that I'm the one that's sick
You can fuss and bitch, you can cut your wrists
Or you can choke on that blood from the tongue you bit
And when you acted up, you BESTA believe I blessed you back
I got a fuckin' fan base that can attest to that
I'm returning this bleeding hearts club membership card'
Cause I want no motherfucking part of it
We're just two dogs on all fours
It's a tug of war for who loves you more
Blame it on tours, or locked bathroom doors
Or maybe it's cause my voice was louder than yours
And I'll be damned if I do this for forever
Everybody looking at me like I don't know better
Instead I gotta run if I'm ever gonna forget her
Cause I've always been a go-getter...
And now I got a head full of better off dead
I followed down them steps and slept in the wrong bed
If I had a breath of self-respect left
I'd set fire to the box spring to help it catch wreck
Let these ashes represent the mattress
Director left the set, but nobody told the actresses
So she's still acting as if we scheduled a practice
And my soundtrack is compromising her theatrics"
-Say Hey There, Atmosphere (dont sleep on him)
"Women, your scars are your art"
-Marc Marcel
"There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
So hold me when I'm here
Love me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything you need
I'll also be the one
You wanted me to be"
-When Im Gone, 3 Doors Down (been jammin them hard this week)
"Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
I love you so much more when you're not here
Watchin all the bad shows
Drinking all of my beer
I don't believe Adam and Eve
Spent every goddamn
day together
If you give me someroom there will beroom enough for twoTonight
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonelyI'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonelyAlone I'm lonely tonight
I don't wanna wakeup with another
But I don't wanna always wake up with you either
No you can't hop into my shower
All I asked for is one f**kin' hour
You taste so sweet
But I can't eat the same thing everyday
Cuttin off the phone
Leave me the f**k alone
Tomorrow I'll be beggin' you to come home"
-Leave me alone/Lonely, Pink
Love rain down on me, on me, down on me
Love rain down on me, on me, down on me
Love rain down on me, on me, down on me...
Said he wanted to talk about my mission
Listen to my past lives. (Word?)
Took me on long walks to places where butterflies rest easy
Talked about Moses and Mumia
Reparations, blue colors, memories of shell-topped Adidas
He was fresh, like summer peaches
Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy...
At night we would watch the stars
And he would physically give me each and every one...
Better than love, we made delicious...
her eyes sparkle like lights along the new city,
her lips purst as if her breath was too sweet and full for her mouth to hold.
I said:“You are the beautiful distress of mathmatics,”
I said:“For you, I will peel open the clouds like new fruit,
and give you lightning and thunder as a dowry,
I will make the sky shed all of it’s stars like rain,
and I will clast the constellations across your waist,
and I will make the heavens your cape,
And they will be pleased to cover you,
they will be pleased to cover you,
May I please… cover you……please…"
-Love Rain (head nod remix), Jill Scott
Let me stop there....:)
Posted by CousinSarah ::
4:33 PM ::
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Writing Exercise Piece
Crystal blue drops
dripped from lids
have long run dry,
now, blood red tears
dry black like ash against her cheeks
fall from lips
speaking stories with wisdom
well beyond her years
small demeanor mistaken for weakness
she was strong enough inside
She wanted to be still
like a knick knack
hidden way back on a shelf
where she could be by herself
forgotten, without life's disruptions
She would relish in the peace
pieces of her would come back together
no longer the broken mess
behind the stoic smile
which tell volumes of what she cant say
or wont
She's just a little girl yet
they treat her like a woman
unspoken blame and scents of inhumanity
sit heavy in the room
like a dense smog
polluting the air
making it difficult to breath
inhaling she ingests reality
again as she did yesterday
filling her lungs heavily
still enough oxygen to sustain
life as she knows it
Surviving,
looking past hell
for a purpose
a reason for the madness
sadness
words no longer own meaning
definitions now fluid
constantly changing
leaving clarity an impossibility
Kneeling to pray
she searches the heavens
a man with decency for a father
a woman with enough strength
to be a mother
eyes closed tight
softly whispering
pleas for comfort in their arms
protection from those she loves
and those who love her
but don't know how.
(C) CousinPublishing
Posted by CousinSarah ::
4:09 PM ::
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Monday, May 05, 2008
Inviting ALL writers....and people who dont think they are writers but have it in them...:)
to do a writing exercise with me. I had my sis find several images and send them to me. She did a fabulous job. This was one of the pics. I may post some of the other pics if others find this useful. Obviously, the writing exercise was to write pieces using the pic prompts. Sooooo, I was thinking it would be pretty neat to put one on here before I posted my piece (which is about 1/2 done) to invite other writer's to also write from the pic and just see how diverse our inspirations and interpretations end up being from the same prompt....
So, write on. :)
Posted by CousinSarah ::
4:55 PM ::
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