Monday, May 28, 2007 Conversations with my beautiful six year old..

Mom:(teasing) You sure do have a big head!
Son:Can you see the tv?
Mom: yes
Son: Then my head isnt that big.

At the end of hearing a depression medicine commercial
Commercial: Call now and get your life back
Son: (in the commercial's voice) Mom you have to call them to get your life back

Conversation at the dinner table
Mom: J what do you think of weiner dogs? You know what they are?
Son: Yeah, the ones that look like weiners.

Watching funniest animals, (at the end where they say send in your video and if selected you win $100)
Son: MOM!! Call now so they can give us a HUNDRED dollars!
Mom: (while on the phone with my mom) Baby, they dont just give you a $100 for calling.
Son: (exaserbated) MOM I just heard him SAY IT!
Mom:(while STILL on the phone) Son, they said you have to send in a funny animal video and if they show your video THEN they give you a $100.
Son: Oh. (pause) We dont have an animal.
Mom: No we dont son.

Posted by CousinSarah :: 12:52 PM :: 5 comments

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Friday, May 25, 2007

Mirror shattered from its center
slivers between knuckles
of her balled fist

She couldnt see her reflection
peering back at her through smooth glass
this..this much more accurate
Images reflected in fragments
more congruent
her outside reflecting her inside
no longer a mirror
her own abstract portrait

Stinging and warm
blood drips from her fingers
her ink
writing in spaces between the cracks
laughing hystrically
her composition of irony
further illustrated in the knowledge
even if she tried to glue all the pieces back
the mirror would never be whole
therefore, always her truest form

Laughing turns to tears
which seem to multiply into millions
shards acting as prisms
each drop, each story, each briuse
each everything
relfected in the drops now sliding
I mean, she wanted to really see herself-right?

For a moment,
she considers trying to place the peices back
to fit neatly in the definition
others needed her to be
they couldnt see her broken
couldnt see her lost
couldnt see her truthfully
finding her pain and struggle
more annoying than anything

So, she left the pieces
where they lie
where they'd cracked
so when her face ached
from the mask worn--most often for others comfort
it could be removed
and she...she would find the pain and peace
in her truest form
reflecting back
in this mirror's congruency

Posted by CousinSarah :: 9:12 PM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007 Grateful...

...for mommy's day pictures from school

...for him doing so well and loving his new classes

...for me being able to handle fewer kisses better...

...my sister who gets me (and I put her higher on the list this week cause she is getting spoiled...lol)

...good friends

...my Gwenie Poo is growing, painfully but beautifully..you got this babygirl

...not being the total baby I feel like with this sore throat...I can have limbs fallin off and not go to the doctor...but the sign of a sore throat and I am at the doc...(i still want my mom tho..lol)

...reading a great book--Suspision by Barbara Raden...great suspense thriller...

...for being lucky to find some good books to read

...breakthough of writer's block

...unspoken possibilities...dont wanna jinx anything..lol

...another ass whoopin from Thea that I needed...growth

...the creator making progress on me...slowly but surely

...for today..

Posted by CousinSarah :: 7:48 PM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007 Today...

You know sometimes we ummm, we don't recognize our dreams inside
our reality and uh other times we're not aware of exactly
what's real ya know we walk around day dreaming but the sunshine, the sunshine always is.... and I..
I just wanna see my lovely sunshine
I just wanna bring back all of my blue skies
And if you take away my rainbow I will cry
Give me back my sunshine

Dreaming my state of being
and I see you smiling
you're so happy
just laughing and standing strong
I'm missing you right here
Listen to my tears
I'm waking up to skies so gray
Needing you to brighten up my day
Ok listen catch your breath
cool out
you need to calm down
Concentrate
don't go making all your time run out
See your ok
it looks much worse than it really is,
and you'll pull through come on
you know how we be doing this
It's me and you
yo, you promised
you can't pull out now,
We're friends for life
so you can't just sell me out
We shared a lot but you know
we'll see just so much more
Our wedding day
and the children that we prayed for

I used to depend on your rides
to show me the way that I should go
My reality is blurry
I'm afraid of being all alone
Your light has been my guide
throughout the good and bad
I wish that I had spent a little more attention
to my one and only sunshine

Listen, I'd never leave you yo,
I sweared on my grave
Damn what's that I'm feeling dizzy
kinda getting faint
But it ain't nothing didn't sleep that much last night
From watching over you but none less
I'm cool I'm fine
I said I'm feeling fine so back up off me
I'm alright
I'm here to see my friends
and what's up with that blinding light
Said I don't need to lie down
I don't need your help right now
What's up with all the noises all the running round
You've got it wrong
I'm not the one who needs the help in here
Yo, what's up with you,
you're crying I see tears
Yo, what's going on don't leave please
don't take her out
Said I don't understand
I'm kinda feeling scared now
I said it's getting hard to breathe
getting hard to see
I'm not too sure anymore
what's going on with me
Please bring her back
connect me talk
just one more time
But it's too late
the last exhale
is mine

"Sunshine" Floetry

Posted by CousinSarah :: 5:05 PM :: 1 comments

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Monday, May 21, 2007 In progress...

His life began out of control
no trust at home,
loving yet alone
even when words
from loved ones
whizzed by at the same pace
of an open hand

Its no wonder
he begrudgingly clings to chaos
despite enough growth
he knows to let it go
but doesnt...
what else does he know
Understanding that they did they best they could
and that thier missing pieces
often left him without peace
yet, it does nothing to quiet
his heart and mind
that he is learning late
the cost his mistakes
copied from lessons
unconcsciously laid down
as his foundation

How he was
fights
who he wants to become
the essence of who he truly is
spirits of choice's past
whisper haunted tales
of what he's done
using them to write
who he sees inside
even if his mind tells him otherwise-
It isnt what he feels

Lessons left lips so loosely
speaking in tongues forgien to his own
hoped they would talk him through
the burden of finding himself
through a childhood
exisited only in phyiscality

Others lifescars, often
provided some of his early
wounds, left open-unsettled
protection became essential
with few teachers
many formidable opponents
he focused on surviving
living up to the
little he believed in himself

His spirit,
now old enough to fly
carries the weight
of pain and regret
amist its wings
still...
outstrectched in thier magnificience
reflecting the beauty of a soul
lost and beautiful
continues to carry him
even when it seems there is no flight left
they open
exposing him
scared, but alive and remaining
through sunbeams
breezes of his love
emit from the truest part of him
even when he cant believe it is there
when the beauty of the ugliness gets lost
in the pictures he's painted of himself

Its visible to all who have seen thier own pain
paid the cost of poor choices and broken role models
who have believed in themselves less than those around them
who carry heavy scars and a heart that still beats
who also outstretched thier magnificent wings
broken or tired, shamed and benevolent.

Truth is,
while his flight pattern
sometimes feels fruitless
it is the whoosh of his wings undercurrents
that allow him moments to coast
find breath in the wind
providing it as a gift
to a flock not always known to him.

(C) CousinPublishing 2007
all rights reserved

Posted by CousinSarah :: 4:16 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, May 20, 2007 Sweet Serenity...

Remember the days you could sleep THIS hard?

My baby is asleep with his eye OPEN!

Man he is KNOCKED OUT!

( I think most mom's lose this once they have a kid--super sonic hearing kicks in! lol)

Posted by CousinSarah :: 3:56 AM :: 3 comments

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WHO'S BABY IS THIS??

That's MY baby!!!

His first lesson in Caporera and stick fighting.

He loooved it.

Posted by CousinSarah :: 3:53 AM :: 6 comments

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Saturday, May 19, 2007 Cant help it...

Sometimes, we find something funny, even if maybe it isnt the classiest thing.

I found this image on my friends blog.

I dont know why it strikes me as funny as it does. I guess as a kid who watched Charlie Brown specials I can hear it in my head.

Anyway, first time I saw it I laughed til I cried. Still makes me laugh when I see it.

Posted by CousinSarah :: 8:18 AM :: 3 comments

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Thursday, May 17, 2007 Grateful...

...for my son, who makes even bad days better

...that no matter that its been a year since his father and I seperated--he still counts down the weekdays every week till he gets to come home for the weekend

...for the purpose he gives me

...that my dad called me just to let me know he was thinking of me and loved me, it was awesome

...for being ok with tough choices

...for making it through Weds work day--even if it was over a 10 hour day...

...for going home to visit soon....I miss my folks something terrible

...for the Josh Radin song I found a few weeks back...I really love it

...for Cut Creator jammin the HELL outta the place at the Studio last night after the slam. Lyte to Whoodini...thats what I am talkin about

...for those I love who got a lil part of thier dreams last night

...for those I love who didnt..and should have

...for all the sweet mother's day wishes

...that I can celebrate mothers day

...for a GREAT girl's night on Saturday and all the laughter that went with it

...for dancin with closed eyes and arms up..and not caring who sees...(as long as I stayed on beat-lmao)

...for my best friend finding the love of her life...and her saying yes

...for a sweetheart who is always kind to me...even if I dont always know how to take it..

...for milkdud comin in 2nd

...for remembering why I love poetry

...for breakin through writer's block a lil

...for getting to hug the heck outta Ms June last night...have missed her

...for watchin Ms Erica shake her groove thang...she is pure hilarity

...for Herm and my thumbs ups when he hits that jam

...for Shelle's return to the team

...for my babygirl Eb, who I have gotten to watch grow into an amazing woman and the FREAKIN SLAM CHAMP...

...for being the cheerleader...i do like that more...lol

...for my sister and her family...i miss em

...for the creator and seeing another weds

Posted by CousinSarah :: 9:00 AM :: 3 comments

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007 Question...

Im just wondering...

How much more technology would it take before we function as robotic regarding human interaction?

I ask this because it seems that more and more technology, the less we have to interact. If that is the case...then, what happens to the human connection part?

We have students who are roommates argue over IM in the same room. And it is no longer uncommon.

Ipods, txt messages, etc just require us to communicate less and isolate more. While technology does make a LOT more effecient, I wonder how we will interact as people in 20 years.

Posted by CousinSarah :: 8:14 PM :: 3 comments

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007 Grateful to be Grateful..

...as always my son...he has such an amazingly strong personality...keep tryna figure out where he got that from. :)

...his laugh cause he makes me laugh just hearing his..and I think he knows it. Cute lil thing him.

...that my sister is feeling better--even tho I dont like the answers the docs keep giving her..

...that it was only the roof that burnt a little and we get to keep our new venue...I was worried at first...Im pretty sure Herm felt better too...lol

...for being able to perform AND have it be on paper...and it was still good

...for the lessons my mom taught me growing up that help me to be a better mother

...for my best friend that deals with my flakiness and forgetfulness--even when it makes her wanna choke me...lol

...for my partner in crime, somehow random, weird stuff seems to just happen when we get together homie...I think there is some galaxy we alter once our energies are in the same space...lol

...that Milkdud did well on his performance last week...even when he's hyper-critical of himself...you are a poet...a good one...Im just sayin....

...for stress relief that didnt entirely jack me up

...for those friends who are similar enough that they just know...and I dont have to say much for them too..

...for SVU, I just loove that show...

...I know I already mentioned this on a list....but getting to see Stomp was amazing

...for having the courage to drop possible big life changes into the mailbox...

...for the writing lab...goodNESS I needed that...and the feel of being in a room with people who just love poets and poetry from thier hearts...not just for entertainment...

...for not being able to indentify that smell...lmao...I kill me sometimes...

...for getting to see Funky Mike...hadnt seen him for a while and he just is crazy and I LOVE IT, i really wanna get to know the supersexygirlfriend-who it seems to be just as hilarious...

...for my crazy staff...I love 'em

...for the semster almost coming to a close...

...for getting a little closer to the creator

...for grateful days

Posted by CousinSarah :: 11:19 AM :: 5 comments

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007 Um...

Why do I think the guy who plays Stabler on Law and Order SUV is sooooooooo sexy?
I mean fooooooooooor real.

Posted by CousinSarah :: 7:31 PM :: 1 comments

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Momentary intensity
holds my attention
focused away from
anything that needs attention
living in the present,
presenting myself open
hungry,
detached,
ravishing
each touch
taking a piece of reality
I dont have to face
in this moment

Spaces between each thrust
carry emotional numbness
through bloodstreams
finding escape in each moan
released from my lips
frees anger embedded
in my soul
I allow his fingers to trace
mental getaways,
tight grasps hold me in the moment
taking in too much physically
dabbling in emotions
unnecessary, unattainable, undesired
I relish in this freedom
release,
ignorance
flipping scripts
I'd written yesterdays,
control games,
fighting for dominance
ending in submission
with my own permission
I write myself new pain
between the lines
between my thighs
eyes closed tightly
drenched in sweat
reality returns
as I lie legs open,
alone
on the bed where I started

Posted by CousinSarah :: 11:25 AM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, May 06, 2007 Thoughts and prayers...

Please put my sister in your thoughts and prayers.

She hadnt been feelin good for a few days, so she went the hospital.

Doctors are taking care of her and we hope it is just minor.

I love my sister and I am a control freak.

So, gray area is sometimes harder for me.

I appreciate any love you can send her way.

Posted by CousinSarah :: 12:53 PM :: 2 comments

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Saturday, May 05, 2007 AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MAN I WISH I COULD GET HBO!!!!!!!!!

IM GONNA MISS THE DE LA HOYA/MAYWEATHER FIGHT!!!!!!!!

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG ITS BEEN SINCE A REALLY GOOD BOXING MATCH HAS HAPPENED?

I need a moment.....

Posted by CousinSarah :: 11:29 AM :: 2 comments

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Friday, May 04, 2007 Grateful Weds late...I try tho'

...for my son, always. He will always be the first thing on my list. He's the first thing on my mind each morning.

...for the thunder this last week...woulda like a lil more but I will take what I can get

...taking a chance, going for a dream and not letting fear stop me

...learning to live in the very uncomfortable grey area--workin on the control freak in me

...good friends...laughing till your face literally aches

...for my best performance reading off paper...interrupted or not

...27 more days till I get to go home

...the end of the semster is coming

...for getting to see STOMP, oh my god that was amazing. Truly AMAZING.

...finding a desire to start learning some photography...im really drawn to taking nature pictures right now...need to save up for equiptment.... :)

...that I had today to be grateful for..

Posted by CousinSarah :: 3:39 PM :: 2 comments

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