Thursday, November 17, 2005
NEOOOOOOOOOOOO
Back home, gettin out from under the pile of paperwork and student issues that were awaiting my arrival back home. It took me at least a day to accept that this was now my reality and not Tampa. *sigh* Gotta get on my grind again.
Now, onto the show which was HOT last night. With a few bumps, we had a showcase last night and I am SERIOUSLY blessed to be part of this crew. I mean there is some seriously talented poets who continue to awe and amaze me. YOU ALL AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...way to rock the M*&^% F*&^%$ MIC last night. I heard Hustle had to put on oven mits to pack it up last night. :) Erica worked the damn thing and I am so grateful to her for putting this together...I felt so proud and just gooood last night.
I dont like to get into drama. AT ALL. Dont deal well and I dont want to waste some of the breath I have here dealing with it. SO with that said--
THE FOLLOWING SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT REFLECTS THE AUTHORS SENTIMENTS OF LAST NIGHT AND MAY NOT BE SHARED BY THE GREATER ORGANIZATION
The only thing that rubbed me a little was the fact that MANY of the poets in the first set, left after or soon after they spit. From reading other people's blog's--ego's and lack of support seems to rear it's ugly head in poetry circles. And that bothers me. We are a group of poets, the Neo Souldiers. Some helped found the organization and helped it grow and keep life, for ALL OF US THOUGH, we have been able to grow from IT and our work within it. So last night when it was all about that, all about our poetry family, it really bothered me to watch folks spit and leave. I drive 45min to an hour EVERY weds there and back. I stay until the very end basically every time. If I am not there it is because I am physically in another state, or the job that feeds my fam requires me to be on site--otherwise, I get there. Now, part of that is my love for the poet's, part of it is my love for the words and I love to be there listening. I am a poetry FAN and want to absorb it all. But a major part of being part of a group is for support and when someone spits and leaves--OFTEN, it really bothers me. Especially in a case like last night where we were showcased....this is our time to shine and share love and support. ALL OF US had to get up and go to work this morning...and only a handful stayed to the end.
Maybe I feel like this because I am not a "competitive poet." The idea of participating in a slam is not something I am interested in. I love to HEAR poets read anywhere, and often slams bring out people's better works--so I am not slamming slams, I am saying I am not a competitive poet. And sometimes it bothers me to hear people upset because they arent getting more love than someone they think is a "Lesser" poet. Well, then as a developed poet, get on board supporting and helping others who love the art grow. Just a perspective. I hope people write because they feel it, are passionate about it...not because they wanna be the big dog. This is naive, I know this, but it is how I feel.
For those who left, you missed some HOT ASS poets really do thier thing last night. And it sent the message that you were they to get the spotlight and leave, not to support poetry, the place that has been poetry home for you or the poetry folks who are part of that family. In families, not all like or even always know each other well, but it is family nonetheless. I guess I feel like it is this kind of split that has caused the fall of so many movements. It is sad to see. I understand that maybe some folks had life situations last night that made them need to leave, but many of them leave regularly shortly after they spit.
For those who stayed, I bow before you. 13 was hot like PHYYYYYYY_YYYYYYAAAA last night-- I mean the BEST I have ever seen her-and she is hard to top, even if it is toppin herself.. Relentless was SICK SICK SICK-words just crawl into your ear and lay foundation in your grey matter to fester and move until you have thought on them enough. Michelle was her beautiful sexy self...passionate words that float and rest gently upon you like the internal butterfly she is. B Fran who is one of the true few poetic romantics. Love did her damn thing...she had that part of the group peice TIGHT AS HELL. So many amazing other poets spit last night.
To the other poetry lovers who didnt spit at all but supported us. Thank you. You encourage us to be better. I looooove me some poetry ya'll. Good writing, good words move me like few other things--that's why I love hip hop the way I do. And I dont wanna see NUTHIN take away from it--especially folks who are wantin thier recognition without recognizing those who came before, during and after.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
9:18 AM ::
3 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Sunday, November 13, 2005
What the H#%%!!!
Mos is sick.
They cancelled the concert in Houston.
Found out yesterday.
Couldnt write about it till today.
Still dont want to talk about it.
I cannot believe this crap.
I am not a happy camper.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
7:12 PM ::
3 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Performance Anxiety
So, I am struggling. We have a Neo Souldier showcase on Weds. I am trying to figure out what I am going to read-I agreed to do two pieces. I dont want to read the same peices they have heard me read over and over. I need some new stuff.
And lately, I have been writing my butt off, BUT they arent really peices I would say are READING pieces ya know? In fact, I think that part of the reason my writing is flowing right now is that I released myself from the pressure of having to write something new to get it ready for a Weds night. You know? And I knwo B Fran, who only pushes us cause he loves us, wants us to read each Weds. I get so stressed that I have nothing new, or so few off paper and it blocks my flow when I get hung up in that space I think. It takes me a long time to get things off paper. I am more shy than my bravado can sometimes lead folks to think. If I know what I am talking about, then my big loud self is there and present. However, things I am less sure about, like my writing, I become more introverted.
So I am trying to figure out what peices to do. Some of the recent ones I have written I really like and they are short. It may take me as long to get up and down from the stage as it will to read the piece. 13 says not to worry about that--that if a peice is finished its finished and it says what it should say. And I trust her wisdom. I guess I just second guess my writing alot. And when I think about having to perform it, I get performance anxiety. I surely cannot write well/easily for the purpose of performing. I have to write from/for writing's sake. 13 said recently that I was a writer. Some folks are performers, some are writers and a few are both. And I didnt totally get it until last night when I was sitting with a bunch of my pieces in frotn of me trying to figure out what to do. I dont have much time and I cannot let the group down. And I dont want to do the same thing I have been doing. So I am looking at my choices and trying to figure it out.
Not sure why the performance part causes me the angst that it does sometimes, other than the fact I get hung up on how people will (or wont) feel what I read. And really, I just need to keep working on letting go of what other people think, cause I am really not a slam type poet. I love to go to festivals or events to HEAR people read, but I am really only for an open mic kind of event in this stage of my development. I have always written as a release--since I was real young, and so I write for the sake of writing. I never say never (or not usually) but I could never imagine myself in a slam....just aint that type of poet.
So maybe it isnt performance anxiety, but just settling into what style poet I am without all the second guessing. Or it could just be performance anxiety. :)
Posted by CousinSarah ::
10:27 AM ::
1 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
For the love of words, sounds and syllables
Last night, I took my sister to her first spoken word venue. I went to a place called "The Cotton Club" where the show is sponsored by Black on Black Rhyme. Now, when I was thinking I might move to Tampa, I looked up venues to see what was here and this is the first one I found. Then, I noticed my boy Copa had them as a link on his blog. When I talked to 13, she had met some of them. Last night, I realized what a small world the poetry scene can really be.
First let me say, there was a John Legend concert here last night which clearly dipped into attendance. There was a small crowd. Several poets got up. My sister asked me to do so so that she could see me perform and I did. Nervous as always. But, I love being in the presence of poets.
And last night, I fell in love AGAIN with poetry. It seems that I fall in love over and over again and it is just as deep each time. I am not always up to date with famous poets, dont read as much of it as I should...however, when I watch poets get up and do their thing, watch them share themselves, thier souls, thier words....I feel hypnotized, enthralled, a groupie....IN LOVE. I mean there are some that you know arent your favorite or maybe you wouldnt be knocking down doors to hear again, but in the moments that they share I am present. Then there are some that are able to speak through you. That you feel them so deeply connected to thier poetry that you feel it too...whether you feel the piece or not. There are so many levels to love and appreciate. I love writers. I love to hear writers. I love to read writers. I love writers.
There were several good poets last night, one who I wish had read more cause I think he would have been as hot as the next two I am about to talk about. Two stood out STRONG. One is named Ali. He had some deep ass shyt to say and was just so down to earth in his delivery. It was wierd because they are a more reserved crowd than at Neo Soul and so I found myself clapping too loudly or being the only one standing when a poet was done, but I could NOT help it. Sometimes I feel like that crazy old lady in church who just jumps up speaking in tongues or to say "YES JESUS!" You know, I am just hooked and often moved by others talents. I CANNOT HELP MYSELF!
Anyway, I thought that the other one I really liked was named "Life." I think he is likely the one who helps lead Black on Black Rhyme and am working on making sure that is his real name cause I feel bad. But I thought someone introduced him with that name--my sister says I am wrong. ANYWAY, he was JUST WHOA-IM SPEECHLESS. Loved his work. So, I went up to both of them, gave them contact name, the southflavas website and Herman's name. I asked them if they knew Mahogany Brown, or Jive or Talaam as those are the most well known poets I know who have featured and wanted to see if I could find a mutual reference for them to be able to talk to someone who has featured at Neo Soul. Both of them said yes, in fact, "Life" is very close to Talaam and had just done some shows in Dallas with Mike Guinn. I stood there with my mouth kind of open like, this is crazy. But it isnt, and Talaam's "God's Work" piece came up in my mind and it made sense to me. And I felt so proud to be a baby in this family.
I love poetry. I love writers. I love poetry. Sometimes, I just feel like I could sit, listen and bask in the warm glow of the love of poetry endlessly. I just fall in love over and over and over. Thank you for each one of you who's writing, talent and words has contributed to my love affair, it has been one of my best loves EVER.
And I just want to keep falling.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
2:23 PM ::
5 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Playscape
With closed eyes,
I inhale deeply,
Still sleepy,
The scent of patchouli
And Egyptian Musk,
Curl up
Float freely into my lungs
A new moment’s begun
Humming softly,
I tune out the banter in my brain,
Best to refrain,
Today I want to play in the smokey
Scent that takes me away,
Away to lazy days,
Of belly laughs and cat naps,
Of afternoon sex and intimate slow dancin
Laying outstretched
Absorbing the space reserved for fantasy,
And play dates
Today I choose to refuse to relate to reality,
I just want to stay this way,
Legs tangled, beaded sweat, hair a mess,
To rest in the echo of love play,
Only to recuperate
I softly giggle
From the tickle of your breath against my breast,
Back arches, anticipation gasps
As your fingers graze my silhouette purposefully,
Spending the day
In moments of lovemaking,
Sleep and foreplay,
Discovery and innovation of new ways
That can only be created in days lost
In the scent of smokey incense
Two lost in the presence of each other
As if the world outside has ceased to exist,
Ecstasy released from your lips
With each kiss,
Each piece of stolen bliss.
With closed eyes,
Every time I reminisce,
I make the wish,
To spend each day
With you,
Like this.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
12:32 PM ::
2 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Monday, November 07, 2005
When they call you....
Visiting my sister in Tampa and lovin it. It amazes me how many years we spent distant from each other...wish we had always been as close as we are now. Maybe we wouldnt have appreciated it as much if we had....either way, it was worth the struggle if it got us here now.
So, movin on to the purpose of the post. A slight rant, but valid none the less. Why is it in our new age of technology, that it is ok to call someone and say "who is this?" Uh. Didnt you just call me? Or text me, as today's story will go. When did it become ok to call and start plying the person YOU called with questions?? So, this evening as my sister and I are sitting here in front of the computer, I get a text--
asdkjfklahfa
I reply: HUH? (As I dont recognize the number nor does it appear to be any kind of language.)
They reply: Who is this? (Ok, not a biggie yet, although a dull irritation starts)
I reply in effort to stop the madness: I think you sent me a text on accident...I dont know you. (Thus, get the point....I could have just not replied, but I was being nice.)
So I then again recieve: Who is this? (WHO IS THIS?? No fool, YOU text ME. Who is this--are you kidding me?)
So my sister (who is hilarious) and I (who am a smart ass) begin in the tormenting of the texter.
My sis replies: It is customary to introduce oneself first.
This fool replies: R U male or female? (Uh, what is this text dating? Has this approach worked for this person before? Idiot.)
My sis replies: Yes. (We giggle like teenagers who just called someone and asked if their refridgerator is running)
This fool: Female? (Why are you still guessing? Is that a wish buddy? Not looking good for your social skills with the random "Hey who YOU doing" text approach)
We reply:Male, female y use labels. (More childish giggles)
This fool: Sorry, my name is Jonathan..and you are..<:l> (first off, what the hell kind of face is that? Second of all, are you kidding me with this?)
I contemplate sending him a text that says the mother of 12 quite sure that should put an end to it, but we just stop the madness and dont reply and niether does he.
I dont understand this. I have had random people call me and be like, "who is this?" NO, who is this? Did you not just call me? Was there a purpose to your call? And they get an attitude when you actually say who is this in reply. WHAT THE HELL? And I hate to dial a wrong number anymore cause I feel with 96% certianty that I will get a call back with a response of "who is this?" Did I leave a message? NO. Do you recognize the number? NO. So how about moving on with your day....is it necessary to become inspector gadget because you see a phone number that you dont recognize? I'd say, a call and no message means they have nothing to say. If I call someone I know and dont leave a message, I assume that they will see the missed call and call me back OR I will just try again later. All this seems like common sense to me ya know?
When you call someone...shouldnt you just know WHO you are calling? Otherwise what is the point? Just a little rant for a little Monday.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
3:54 PM ::
2 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Friday, November 04, 2005
Random Thoughts and Too Much Law and Order
You ever have a day where you find yourself coming up with wierd and bizarre thoughts?
Today, as I cough my way through allergies, I had to get a bottle of water from the vending machine. Now, I readily admit, I watch too much law and order. I am a junkie and I know this. Except for Criminal Intent, I will watch them over and over and enjoy them just as much. This is important to know because I wonder if it influenced the random thought that follows...
As I am putting the coins in the machine...I wondered about all the fingerprints that must be on those coins. Started contemplating who's fingerprints it might be. What if this quarter I am putting in the machine was held by a serial killer? Or some other crazy criminal and if this coin is ever discovered at a crime scene...would I be contacted cause my fingerprints are on it? That buying this water today for my scratchy throat could end me up somewhere never imagined when I inserted the coins. I know I am bizarre, and really may be watching too many shows where forensics is a part of it. I am a crime show junkie--I know this. But still it made me ponder. If I was AT ALL scientifically inclined, I WOULD LOVE to be a forensic specialist or psychologist. It is BEYOND interesting to me. Like the puzzle of all puzzles. I want to be Crossing Jordan. :)
There is more for me today. Tho' it made me consider today how much of our brains we might ignore. Sometimes when I am just walking or thinking, I see flashes of things that could happen. Most of the time they arent good. Like I get vertigo pretty bad. If I am near a railing high up, I feel pulled near the edge...dont like it. I sometimes get a quick flash of me falling over the edge and it makes me back up. I can soemtimes get this flash of what would happen when a student runs into the street without looking. Like I see it happen in my mind, stop, suck in deeply and see it. Does this make me crazy? It makes me wonder sometimes if we are more tuned into each other than we think. That we "reason" away things like instinct, intuition or gut reactions. Think "Final Destination" kind of stuff. And not even just the bad stuff. But have you ever had the urge to call someone and they call you later that day crying cause they are having a rough time? Things we label as coincidence could be more. But we are taught to reason them away.
In case I dont seem like I belong in the loo-loo bin enough, I think there is a ghost in my apartment that has followed me from my last one. Now, I am pretty new age-ish in a lot of spiritual beliefs (even though most of these come from very very very old religions--Im not going to debate religion today--but I believe in a lot of naturalistic or pagan pieces, as well as parts of more traditional religions. I kind believe in a conglomeration of religious beliefs--I actually just dont believe there is one right way--I am still seeking--but I digress) Anyway, I believe in ghosts. I am facsinated and freaked out by the idea and the possibility. Last year in my old apartment, I saw a shadow walk from one space to another. I immediately dismissed it. Two more times in a week, same shadow and same spot, I stopped and looked. It moves very briefly and quickly. It appears to be a man, looks like from the 40's. Plaid fidora style hat, white, stoic, focused forward, long brown coat, brown shoes. And I only see him in flashes. But all those descriptors are the images that come to me each time I see it. Could it be my mind? Sure, but I dont think so. In my new apartment, I saw him again. And have seen him many times in the old house and seveal in the new one. I talked with one of my close friends who is pretty in tune with this type of thing and asked his advise. He told me that since it moved with me, it may feel connected to me or Rich or J, and encouraged me to try to ask him if he needed my help. I did so a few weeks ago. The image did the same quick path it always does, didnt remotely look like it acknowledged me and disapeared as always. While it freaks me out from time to time, I cannot say that I feel threatened or anything.
But I wonder....is he just lost, walking forward looking for something? How might his life have been? Ended? Are there things in our prescence that we ignore? Reason out? Cause they make us seem crazy, or emotional? Less than rational? Who defined those terms in the first place?
So, I dunno. Just had lots of wierd random thoughts today. Maybe I need to lay off the Law and Order and read a book.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
11:46 AM ::
3 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Let there be light..
So you heard me calling for you,
knew I couldnt make it through
knowing you'd come and gone,
never allowin me to feel the sway
to even one note of your tight ass song....
It's been so long,
Forever even,
since we've been together,
and it will be like heaven,
cause my prayers got answered.
I WILL BE SEEING BLACKSTAR IN HOUSTON ON NOV 14th!!! UH UH UH UH UH! You should see the looks I am getting dancing in my office right now. But WHO CARES? I GET TO SEE BLACKSTAR!
Yesterday I tried to change my plane ticket to be able to see them on the 13th. (see earlier posting for the heartbreaking dilemma) Well, because I was 1 day inside the 14 day mark to make the change, the 70$ charge went up to 160$. SO I mourned and cried yesterday that I wasnt gonna get to see my loves. THEN, in a desperate attempt after looking on the internet myself for venues in nearby cities and coming up empty, I left an emergency message on my surrogate brother's voicemail. This man can find a tour in a haystack ok? And he did, he came through for me and I LOVE HIM. I mean it. I get off my plane from Tampa, gas up the focus, pick up my girl Shelle and riiiiiide to H town.
Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh.....yeahhhhhhhhhh baby. Gotta leave you now to purchase some tickets.
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! *moonwalkin away from the computer*
Posted by CousinSarah ::
10:12 AM ::
4 comments
Post / Read Comments
---------------oOo---------------
