Thursday, September 15, 2005
Ever had one of those lighter days???
So today I just wanna play a little, I took some quizzes and am gonna share the results. I am just needed some meaningless fluff to fill my otherwise depressing day!
| You are a Self-Discoverer |
 You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans. |
This one is quite true. I believe that all paths have the potential to lead to God. I think God knew that the people it created would be diverse and not all of them would be able to feel God the same way. I hate people who hide in religion to push false agendas--I believe the time and importance you put into developing a relationship with God will determine the kind of relationship you have with God.
| Your Brain's Pattern |
 Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white. |
What Pattern Is Your Brain?
I agree with most of this one first. Dont think I always figure thigns out first, but I question things. I need to understand how things exist in a bigger picture and not just in a vaccuum. I do think my strengths lie with being able to talk to people and really hear and feel them. I believe the world is very fluid and there are very few absolutes.
| You Are 60% Weird |
 You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks! |
I sometimes know that I am odd. But there have been many times when I think I am perfectly normal and been instructed otherwise. I am a wierdo...its how it goes. :)
| Your Hidden Talent |
 You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers. |
This is good to hear as a struggling poet. I do tend to almost overexplain at times. I agree that I am people oreiented and that my mood swings are worn on my sleeve and affect those around me.
| How You Life Your Life |
 You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down. |
How Do You Live Your Life?
There is not a part of this one that is not right on the spot.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
12:12 PM ::
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Tuesday, September 13, 2005
The WHEEEEL OF BLAAAAME!
Sort of takin up a point my girl 13 made the other day. Watching the TV last night, I saw this section of the news that said the people at the Hurricane center contacted the local, state AND Bush a day or so before the hurricane hit to tell them the seriousness and the liklihood of catastrophic numbers of lives lost. That Friday, Bush had declared a state of emergency.
Ok, is that suppossed to make me feel better??? That you knew this shit was state of emergency type shit on Friday and you were still so UNPREPARED?? Now, I agree with my girl, while Ray Nagin has some valid points, he holds his portion of the blame in the lack of preparedness. But visualize with me if you will....
If I know I have a report-project-item whatever that is due ASAP--in fact I HAVE A DUE DATE, and that report HAS to be accurate or the company could go out of business AND I would lose my job and all the jobs of the people who work in that company (and possibily my life when everyone associated with the company has lost thier livelihood cause my ass didnt make sure that the work was done and right).....WOULD YOU OR WOULD YOU NOT FOLLOW UP WITH AT LEAST ONE CALL TO THE PERSON(S) WHO ARE GATHERING THE INFORMATION FOR THE PROJECT TO MAKE SURE THEY HAD ALL THIER SHIT TOGETHER AND WHAT THE PLAN WAS FOR GETTING DONE WHAT WAS NECESSARY? Or, would you just give them the go ahead to do it and hope they got the shit right? Would you have a plan B or some kind of back up in case shit looked like it might not work in your favor?
Well, that is my point. The Governor is Ray Nagin's supervisor and so on...ultimately, Bush was informed BY THE EXPERTS THAT THIS WAS ABOUT TO BE BAAAAD NEWS and didnt seem to do any follow up to be like...hey ray...i need you to pull your head out and get movin. And IN FACT, not ONLY DID NOT FOLLOW UP, but then had NO PLAN OF ACTION READY should the worse happen. And yes, it is ridiculous to assume that race and class dont play into some of the prep work. If it was Wash DC, or LA or any other high rpofile area...we would have responded and prepared differently. I believe that..call me conspiracy theorist or what you will, but that is what I believe. And so while we sit and try to figure out who is to blame...who will step up and say, "Hey, it sucks, and I will never be able to live with the hurt in my heart and the visions that will haunt my soul, but I am fckin responsible for some of this." We wonder why we cant get any accountability in the youth...hell we cant get it in the leaders. There are so many people who have a hand in the blame...someone just fckin man up. That would be the first step in some healing, to hear someone say, we could have done this better, I failed, whatever...but something. We CAN SEE IT, now we want to HEAR IT.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
2:50 PM ::
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Monday, September 12, 2005
Diamonds in the rough..
So, I am well known for my rampages about the current state of music, hip hop mostly, but music in general. I feel I have now hit the generation gap...it was getting so bad I just STOPPED listening to the radio, or watching any kind of Music Television....couldnt take it. Felt like it was bad for my heart...gettin all worked up everytime I turned them on. Some say I am overly opinionated...and I am often. But I say and stand for what I believe in, even it can come across strong. And music is kind of a life line for me, it can alter my mood, carry me, uplift me, piss me off...the whole range of things. And so, in all the negatives there are lately, some diamonds in the rough are emerging and giving me much happiness.
For example, my girl 13, had been TELLING me about Raheem DeVaughn. And I heard her, but didnt really HEAR her. Until I just decided to pick it up one night since the more we talk, the more I see we have in common regarding music. OH MY GOD. It is like heaven and sex in a small plastic circular disk. I just want it to follow me around. I have it on whenever I can. It gives me hope that real music will make a comeback...need people to stop sleepin on him. And there are others recently that I have really started listening too that are not as well known. Kem is building in popularity, but lots of folks still dont know who he is. Ledisi--I really love her feel. And that's it...some of these new artists you can FEEL the music. I am occassionally prone to road rage(--actually just on I 35) and Kem got me through an HOUR traffic jam at 1 in the morning after leaving Neo Soul one night. It is that I felt it. It soothes me. Now obviously there are some staples like Erykah (adore and worship her), Jill, India, Musiq...those who have regularly put out good music--but they are few and far between. And there are some that are ok, not great, not terrible that you can move too. But Kem, Raheem, Ledisi--they are undiscovered, overlooked gems. They are in fact, diamonds in the rough. And I just wanted to take a moment to let them shine...as they often make me shine in thier presence.
One last thing...I am currently reading Barack Obama's autobiography "Dreams From My Father" which is wow. For my writing lovers out there, no wonder his democratic convention speech was so amazing....his book contains amazing imagery, reflection and commentary. I suggest it to anyone who likes well written books. BTW, Obama for Pres in 2008!
Posted by CousinSarah ::
11:13 AM ::
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Thursday, September 08, 2005
Passion-not
"You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion." ~Garrison Keillor
My beautiful poetic mentor has encourged me to write daily, not matter what I write about...she is helping me to focus, get inside myself and write. Despite my urges to stay withdrawn, but also not really present with myself--I know she is right. She said that if I am stifling my emotions, then I am also stifling my creativity. Thank you mentor...i love ya-lots. I mentioned before that I have been in a writing drought for several months. And she is right, it has corrolated pretty closely to when I decided not to make decisions and therefore close off sort of. While some of it is lifting right now, I notice it is in the areas of which I have deep desire under the surface...like passionate love, intimacy, closeness, wholeness....those words are flowing from me right now as I am desiring to have that in my life. I have been taught to be nice. It is hard for me to be the bad guy, to hurt people's feelings--particularly those who I care for. So often, in hope of human decency, in hope of change, in hope of progress, in the fear of change, I hold on waiting, wishing things will change so that I am not forced to. Meanwhile, I am also sitting in some of my own pain at what I am losing, missing or needing as a result of this "niceness."
What I am lacking is passion right now. Passion for change in myself, passion for others, passion. I have shut it down. I have some pretty large life changing decisions looming behind me. In front of those decisions is a lot of fear, guilt, uncertainty and pain that I need to get through in order to make some choices. So, I am still sort of sifting through those things. And when it is getting harder and more painful, I often am kind of shutting down and just not movin. Just trying to do things that please me in the moment BUT are not really changing the big picture. Im scared ya'll. Really, I am just plain terrified.
How can I make hindsight
forsight
Make promises that this pain will
only last through the night
and then move into
the warming light necessary
for growth
and change
still maintain
purpose,
not get lost in the mystery
life will be
if I just set these burdens free.
Life seen through a contrasting lens,
light bends to shine on hidden things,
lingering,
the scent of familiarity,
the taste of insecurity,
the sound of uncertianity,
the feel of falling freely
In the coolness
of gentle breezes,
I want to release
the scraps of fear,
that I grasp tightly,
in both hands,
that cut my palms,
but still calm
as they trace
the pattern of pain,
that run as regularly
as new york railways
taking me to destinations,
well traveled with years,
as sights passing by
spring forth tears,
I pray they will run into the river
and cleanse me like Jordan,
leave me reborn,
to emerge in a new form.
Posted by CousinSarah ::
2:43 PM ::
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